Monday, October 19, 2009
Catch-22
@9:02 PM
I met with SPH School Pocket Money Fund (SPMF) today. Suffice to say, I found myself ill-equipped to answer administrative questions to the mechanics of donations. I have never heard of the auditor requirements, or the stuff about accounting.
Surprisingly, instead of disappointment, I found myself to be extremely relieved to be rejected by SPMF. The rejection itself was on the basis of the administrative, but in terms of general strategy and ideas, we found ourselves in agreement that there wasn't an issue. The plan was good, but leaky in the places that mattered to the sponsors and charities.
I find myself to be stuck in a Catch-22 scenario. I cannot obtain a sponsor without any credibility as to my ability to attempt the tour, so to get sponsors, I need a solid support base from which to work from, which as Joyce had suggested, should be the charity. Therefore, attaining their endorsement comes first and foremost. However, as SPMF managers kindly explained the situation, no charity will be willing to go ahead without any existing plans on my side to provide auditors and accounts through which sponsorship can flow, and ideally, I should already have pledges to my cause before approaching a charity. What makes it worse is that I have no achievements in the field to my name, and I have no precedence on which to back the validity of whatever I am proposing.
Who ever said this was going to be easy? Nevertheless, the situation proves to be quite amusing.
SPMF suggested that I can try continuing on for this trip, if only to gain experience so that we can work together in the future. This unsponsored trip can fulfill two things: firstly, it can provide me the credibility basis that I so badly need, and secondly, it gives me the 'been there, done that' experience to put forth a more solid plan the next time round. I will continue on without the charity element, utilising this trip as a testing platform for a even longer term journey in the future. In any case, revising the plan now is too late - in three months, I will have to achieve what others accomplish in a year.
For the past weeks, I have already envisioned the next seven years of my life: I will go on to earn some degree in NUS, and hopefully secure a place in a European university to study my Masters. Before going to Europe, however, I will take a gap year, and cycle there from Singapore. That is the plan, for now.
Hence, the post-ORD trip will be truly self-sufficient, completely on my own, finance and all. The post-uni trip, hopefully, will not be this way.
For the past two months, the tight timing has been stinging my mind like a mosquito that refuses to go away. I eat, sleep, go to work, play, and read, all the while aware that time is passing, and the charity and sponsor element is slowly sliding into oblivion. The pressure is amazing for the little actual work that I needed to put into working the system. It was like a chain on the neck, setting a quota on what I need to achieve in the near future, and all the while, I keep thinking what I can do in the present, which frankly is not much. And not doing much made me feel guilty.
The rejection stung, but the relief was a joy, together with the tantalising understanding of what I can or cannot achieve. I am now free to carry on with the trip, however I want it, be it easy or hard, not pressurised by deadlines to reach a certain place by X date, nor chased by my own conscience that perhaps I ought to be doing more (which, given my disabilities, I could not have).
In view of budget and China's closure of Tibet, the trip will probably only focus on Southeast Asia. Onwards!
0 Comments |
Post/Read comment
